My 6 Stages of Grief
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I used to think grief was reserved for funerals, for the kind of loss that came with headstones and eulogies. But I’ve learned that grief can exist in the spaces between a “good morning” that never comes and a love that never had the decency to say goodbye. It lingers in places that once felt safe — now just reminders of who I used to be before I learned how to hurt like this
I know there are only five stages of grief —
But when love leaves, when someone you once held so close becomes a stranger, grief doesn’t always follow the rules. It lingers, shifts, takes on new forms
So maybe there aren’t just five stages. Maybe there’s one more — the part no one talks about. The part where you don’t just survive the loss, but you become something new because of it
This is my grief. Not in five stages, but six
And the truth is, grief is never linear. The stages don’t come in order, and some last longer than others. Some, you revisit over and over again, just when you think you’ve made it through
Denial — “Maybe he’ll come back. ”
I glanced at the door, hoping to hear a knock. Observed my phone, anticipating a text that I had been aware would not be received. I thought he was just confused and trying to figure things out. I rehearsed our last conversation, hoping to uncover a subtle message, which could indicate that he was not entirely correct This is no longer functioning
Denial is a cruel form of hope. It whispers He still cares Silence becomes a temporary state. This makes you believe in things that are not there, such as love that should have stayed and people who don’t care
“I am angry and wish for karma to take precedence.”. ”
I romanticized revenge in my head. Maybe I’d be the one to haunt him. Maybe I’d be the girl he regrets losing. I wanted the universe to be on my side, to see what he did, to make him feel every ounce of what I felt when he left
But the worst part about anger is that it always circles back. You can wish for his suffering, you can imagine him breaking the way you did — but at the end of the day, you’re still the one left picking up the pieces
Bargaining — “What if I had been enough? ”
This is the stage where I tried to rewrite the past. If I had been softer, if I had asked for less, if I had been easier to love — would he have stayed?
I thought about every word I ever said, every time I cried, every way I might have pushed him away. I replayed it all like a movie, pausing at every moment I could have changed. As if love was something I could negotiate, as if I could undo the way he looked at me that last time — like he had already left, even before he said the words
Depression — “I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. ”
I felt a heavy burden when the anger dissipated. Once there was no more bargaining and pretending. The empty space he used to fill
Grief is lonely. It refrains from announcing itself. The sound of your favorite song slips by in the middle, leaving you tofrantically type its name out of nowhere. It’s impossible to put into words the fact that you still have love for someone
Despite the fact that he never comes back, I am willing to live with it. ”
Somewhere along the way, I stopped waiting
I stopped expecting to see his name light up my screen. I stopped searching for him in places he used to be. I stopped writing for him, about him
Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in the small moments — the first time you wake up and he isn’t the first thing on your mind. The first time you laugh without thinking about who’s missing. The first time you realize that love shouldn’t have to be begged for
I don’t know if I believe that time heals everything. But I do know this — grief doesn’t stay the same. It doesn’t leave, but it changes. It softens. And one day, you wake up, and the pain is no longer the first thing you feel
And maybe that’s enough
6th: Rebirth — “I loved, I lost, but I am still here. ”
After the loss, nobody reveals to you that there is a part of yourself waiting on the other side. A person you had always wished to be, but was forced to become something else
You’ll wear a dress you didn’t have the chance to wear for him one day. The song that once reminded you of him will no longer feel like a punch to the chest. Passing by the places that once held him will make you feel like you’re not part of history
He will be discussed in a less formal way. He won’t be talked about much anymore. There will be no weight on his thoughts, only the whispers of an once-in-a-lifetime existence
You’ll come to understand that the world didn’t end after his passing
You did
You are a living, breathing individual who has developed into an incomparable person
The breaking may be the real cause of grief, but it can also be attributed to the becoming
