Embracing Bankruptcy
A clean slate, a new beginning, and 150 points for your ‘Oops-I-Did-Interruption’ scorecard
Photo by Alexander Grey On Unsplash
Let’s face it: The word “bankruptcy” has all The charm of a wet socks. It seems like your great-uncle Melvin did a similar thing in the 1980s before moving to Belize to find his way and avoid extradition. The issue at hand is that nobody talks about it Joys Of financial ruin. The liberation, the elation, and the realization that you can finally give up your $200-a-month gym membership, which has been serving as a burdensome coat hanger for you
Through a series of poor life choices and heightened emotions, I was able to experience the magic of bankruptcy in the same way that most people find kombucha. The beginning of my journey was marked by the realization that my credit card debt had reached a level comparable to “the GDP of minuscule moon”. My financial resources were used to support a lifestyle that involved making artisan pickles, renting yurts, and feeding dozens of parrots with organic safflower seeds. While contemplating a spreadsheet, I experienced the following moment:: If I were to stop doing something, what would be the outcome?
As it turns out, that’s the fundamental idea behind bankruptcy
1. Preserving the assurance of paying It Off can give you Freedom in the future
To put it another way, Credit card companies are like ex-partners who repeatedly bombard you with calls and messages to “U up?” at 2 ante meridiem829xX085. They don’t care about your hopes for the future. Their only desire is to have their money. To file for bankruptcy, one must change their phone number, move to a yurt (which they have already taken advantage of), and continue living the life they want. Suddenly, you no longer have to worry about minimum payments that barely cover the interest on an unwise llama trek
Donna, a friend of mine, used to spend hours in the buff trying to figure out how much plasma donations would be necessary to cover her QVC addiction. She is sleeping like a baby after her bankruptcy. Despite being given melatonin gummies, the baby remains unresponsive and sedated
2. “Steve in Collections” won’t bother to call you anymore
Steve is not a friend to you. Steve is unconcerned about your cat’s surgical treatment. Steve will call you at 7: 45 to remind you that financial obligations are a two-way street. Using bankruptcy as legal documentation can be as painless as having to hire a bouncer for your own safety. Those calls stop. The letters cease. You can answer your phone again without assuming it’s a subpoena
To mark your first debt-free day, prank Steve and tell him how you feel. Ask whether he has received the good news about your spiritual awakening
3. Unlike Monopoly, the process of rebuilding Credit involves using More Grocery coupons
The secret is that nobody reveals:: Your credit score could be negatively impacted from the moment you file Mine climbed 150 points from its previous record when it was taken by a disgraced sitcom star’s comeback tour. Despite being on an equal footing, the credit bureaus find it more difficult to convince anyone that they owe more than everything else. Who knew?
The possibility of bankruptcy doesn’t exist Never Own a home. You’ll have to start over, which may seem like a drastic step, but it’s not as straightforward as losing all your progress in life Tetris Have to rebuild your self-esteem from scratch. Every bit of money won after bankruptcy feels like a hero. Is it true that Warren Buffett has a secured credit card?. Did you pay your utility bill on time?. Your financial situation makes you akin to someone who is financially poor. ”
And here’s the kicker: Keep up even Moderately Good habits — skip the truffle almonds, return your library books on time — and your credit score could be back in the “respectable adult” range within a few years. Mine went from “gutter punk” to “mid-tier car lease candidate” in 18 months. Bankruptcy isn’t a life sentence; it’s a timeout where you get to scribble a new game plan on the back of a Denny’s napkin
4. The Shame Is Overrated (See Also: Crocs, Tofurkey, and Your Aunt’s Facebook Rants)
People act like bankruptcy is a scarlet letter, but let’s be real: We’ve all got skeletons. Karen from HR has a basement full of Beanie Babies. Greg in accounting once tried to mail himself to Fiji. Your credit score is just a number, like your weight or the number of times you’ve watched Paddington 2.
Embrace the humility! Walk into a bank with your head held high and say, “I’d like to discuss my fresh start. ” Then wink. Wink like you’ve got a secret, because you do: You’re about to owe them nothing
5. You’ll Learn the True Meaning of “Essential Spending”
Bankruptcy is Marie Kondo for your wallet. Suddenly, you’re asking, “Does this $18 jar of truffle-infused almonds spark joy? ” (Spoiler: no. They spark acid reflux.) You’ll discover the thrill of thrift stores, the glory of generics, and the fact that tap water is… fine
My cousin Ted declared bankruptcy and found inner peace via a diet of lentils and library books. He’s now a Buddhist monk in Vermont, which isn’t directly related, but he did save a fortune on haircuts
In Conclusion: Let That Financial Phoenix Rise (Or at Least Stumble Forth)
Bankruptcy isn’t failure — it’s a strategic retreat. A chance to shed the weight of other people’s expectations and live like the feral, coupon-clipping goblin you were meant to be
So go ahead. Burn those bills in a ceremonial bonfire (safely, and preferably not indoors). Dance naked under the moonlight, howling, “The yurt is MINE! ” And remember: The only thing better than having perfect credit is not giving a damn about it
After all, as my bankruptcy lawyer said right before handing me a lollipop and a court date: “Honey, broke is a vibe. Own it. ”